what defines me.

I am very close with my sister and so it is not uncommon for us to say uncomfortable things to oneanother. The other day she brought it to my attention that I had been focusing on one unfortunate moment I had experienced. Someone had been unkind to one of my children and instead of forgiving that person- well, I was letting this one moment of unkindness define my opinion. I mulled it over in my mind for a while. How often do I do this? This pattern of unforgiveness. It seems all so innocent. I mean- who hasn't heard the expression- "I will forgive you but I won't forget". Oh man, that is wrong thinking...but isn't that just what I did? I follow several blogs of people that have experienced some serious life altering moments. Lately, I started to notice a pattern in their posts- that one moment finding it's way into every blog post, every conversation, every facet of life... Very defining. That one moment. Their lives are now circling around a new necules. That one moment (no matter how brief) is now defining their entire world. The other day, my daughter Maddie was crying. As I sat comforting her, I questioned her as to what made her cry. She said, "Why did God let that happen?". Wow...isn't that what we all want to know. The answer seems so trite, "I don't know, honey. God's plan is different from ours. I just don't know." While those words are so true, they seem empty. I wanted more from my own answer. God, why did You allow this to happen? That question seems to haunt my mind at both weak and strong moments. But what I think is that it all breaks down to forgiveness or perhaps our unforgiveness. We have been wronged and there is no denying it! We all want justice. We want the wrong-righted. The Bible tells us to forgive...and we shout to all that we are forgiving just not forgetting. Because we want justice and it in our opinion justice has not been served yet. But somehow I think it goes beyond just forgiving the person or incident that has wronged us...it's about forgiving God for allowing it to happen to us and trusting that His plan is good. But who is in control here? Truely. Am I trying to be in control and therefore do not trust the God who created me? Funny how my eyes began to see beyond my own hurt and my own anger...when I realized maybe God was trying to do something here. Maybe God was allowing these things in my life- not as a punishment or because He had forgotten about me but as a tool. A tool to shape me into the woman He wants me to be. These life altering moments...the ones that I have allowed to define the person that I am... Well, maybe they were meant to shape my life- not define it. Drawing me closer to the Lord as I realize my own fraility and His great strength.