The Death of a Vision

I went to the Bill Gothard Seminar when I was in college. Much of what I learned in that seminar has resonated in my life. One principle lesson I learned was call a death of a vision. Basically it means that you have an idea and you are excited about it and cannot wait to see it come to pass and all too suddenly God says no to this idea or thing and the vision is dead. When this happens we will sometimes try to get the paddles out and revive the vision by our own means. Or sometimes we will wallow in the loss or we can accept that it was in fact a loss, mourn it and then look toward God for the birth of a new vision. Dealing with the death of a vision is just like dealing with death in general.
I once took a class on death and dying and I learned that most people who are grieving go through the same stages. There was a diagram for the stages of grieving called the Kübler-Ross model taken from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross book (1969), On Death and Dying. The five stages are thus: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. Bill Gothard explained that a death of a vision is very similar and that we will often go through the same stages as we mourn our losses- no matter how small they are.
I have several friends that are dealing with such losses right now. Losses that are deep and so painful that it hurts to watch them go through it. Ironically, I can see that they are going through the stages of grief and loss. One friend lost their career and cannot seem to cope. I want to yell at her and tell her to jump back on the horse again. But that will not work. She has to come to terms with her loss in her own time. I have another friend who is going through a terrible divorce. His life will never be the same nor will his vision for his life. These are just examples of the heartbreak that my friends are suffering. But the good news is- we serve a good God, one who is powerful and bigger than any of these losses. At the time we are dealing with the loss it seems that we are all alone in the hurt- but we are not. God in His infinate wisdom knows our situation, knows the purpose for it and knows when and how our world will look when it is over. He holds all the pices of this puzzle and will willingly put it back together. We just need to ask, to trust and to obey Him.

Homemade Soap

So a bunch of my friends started making homemade laundry soap. The recipe was found on the website for the Duggard Family. Well, there has been so much talk about this laundry soap- I thought that I would give it a try. Several of my friends wanted to try it but were afraid that they would mess it up. I made it four different times in three days! It was so easy and smelled so good- I wondered why I waited so long to try it.

The recipe makes about 10 gallons in the end and cost about $3 to make. I will update as soon as I have given it just use. Here is the recipe:

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap- Front or top load machine- best value


4 Cups - really hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with the hot water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted. It will suds up slightly.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online here (at Meijer.com). Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

the beauty of love

It's funny what you see in your children. Tiny pices of you, tiny pices of your husband, tiny pices of themselves. So beautiful. My youngest daughter Sydney has my husband's eyes. They are blue like mine but the shape and set are all Russ. Sometimes I look at her and smile as I see his eyes. A tiny pice of the man I love so much. A reminder of how good God really is. Syd in every other way looks like me but what I always seem to notice is her eyes and I am glad. She is our little sprite. Mischevious, sweet, loving, funny, beautiful, a real stinker. She is the child that tests me the most but I don't think it is in malice, it's in fun. She just loves to have fun and I just love that about her. What a blessing Sydney is to our family and to our life. I am grateful for her and for her enthusiam for life.

We have a new cat here named Linus. Sydney loves Linus-Linus however does not care for Sydney. Syd chases him, hugs him too tightly, tries to pick him up, drags him, tries to dress him in doll clothes...etc. The girl will not leave that poor animal alone. It is so sweet to see. No matter how badly he scratches or even bites her- she refuses to let him go. She just wants him to love her and play with her.

Lately, I have had to start really disciplining Sydney. I think because she is my baby, I didn't want to do it. I avoided it. This unfortunately, gave her some nasty habits that were just not acceptable. Earlier today I had to discipline her for saying unkind words. Afterward, she was cryinig and holding on to me so tight. I told her that I loved her and she looked up at me and said, "that kind words". I smile even thinking about it. She understood. She got it.

My daughters daily impress me with their love. Even in discipline, they still want to be held and reassured that they are loved and that they love in return. I am so grateful to God that He has shown me His incredible love through my children. There is no sin so great that I will not forgive them. I will love them even when they stumble and even when they sway from the truth. I will know that the Lord I love will bring them home again- Just like He did for me. There is such beauty in love.

Adding Pictures

All of a sudden- I am having a great time with my blog. How much fun to see my kids pictures right here on my blog. It made it feel more real. Whatever...It has been fun. My sister has kept a blog for a really long time. Her hobby is to take pictures and she is really good at it. I am an unfortunate picture-taker...I cut everyone's head's off. I am generally not creative at least in a crafty way. One thing that I really get into is pampering myself. No joke- I really get into it! Our last MOPS meeting, I showed all of my friends some fun home-spa stuff that I actually use!! So here are some of Erika's homemade Spa recipies that I really do use! Try them out if you like!!

Sugar Wax
1.Combine 2c. sugar, 1c. water and 1c.fresh-lime juice in a saucepan. Simmer (about 15 min.) over low heat being sure to stir while the sugar dissolves completely. It will look thick like maple syrup. Allow the wax to cool to where it is warm to the touch. Be careful not to burn your skin. You will need to work fast as it cools quickly.
2.Using a knife or a spatula apply a thin layer (like a strip) of the wax on your clean/dry patch of hairy skin. The wax should go in the direction of the hair growth. Be careful not to apply too much wax as it will not be effective in hair removal.
3.Work quickly! Cover the strip of wax with a strip of material made of cotton. I prefer to use cut up old jeans or denim (you can wash and re-use these later). Rub the patch vigorously and then quickly pull the strip off in the opposite direction of the hair growth. Repeat.
4.Warning: this is not for the faint of heart! It does hurt but the results are fabulous! If you are brave- I say go for it!!
5.You can store your extra sugar wax for some time! Keep it in the refrigerator, and reheat it in your microwave the next time you want to use it!


Oatmeal Bath
This can be used to soothe sun-burnt skin. I use it every summer, it’s cheap and it works great!
Put 1c. quick oats into a food processor and pulse until it becomes a fine powder. Sprinkle into your running bath. Stir bath until all clumps are gone. Soak for 15 minutes to relieve skin. Repeat when necessary.

Blog Neglect

I haven't been very faithful to my blog. I question if I am actually a blogger or just a poser... ha. Well, I will say that being a mother of two pre-schoolers makes it complicated to even have a minute to sit down at the computer to write an email let alone a blog post. That is probably true of most of my friends as well. I used to be really faithful to a journal. I actually kept them all starting from when I first moved to Indiana in 1989. WOW- can it have been over 20 years that I have lived here! That is amazing. I still don't identify myself as a Hoosier. That makes me laugh just typing it. Fortunately, I don't think many Hoosiers think of me that way either!! ha! My Chicago accent long ago dissappeared along with the 6 inch bangs I used to wear with as much hair spray I could manage...and the acid washed jeans.

My heart however is stuck somewhere in the middle of Chicago and an Indiana Cornfield. Both places have significant purpose in who God has created me to be. It is funny where you wind up in life. What you become. I look at my children and see so much hope for their futures- so many possibilities. What will they be someday? Will they look on their childhoods and long for something different? I am sure they will, just as I do. I wish it could have been like this... Instead of appreciating the good...we always long.
What I do know is this time is passing on much too quickly. The days are short and the girls grow taller in their sleep. I love being present with them through these most important years.

Pain and Recovery

Lately, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection. How it started is so funny but I believe that God works in our lives in mysterious ways. I started watching a reality show that was based on addiction and recovery. I don't know why it interested me so much but my reaction to each show was amazing. Crying each time. So frustrating and really painful. At first I thought it was empathy for the patients. Then I realized that I was crying about my own pain. My own pain, that I have been pushing down for most of my life. When I was a child, there was abuse. Abuse that was so terrible and the shame so deep, that I don't want people to know that was my life. Why hide it? I'm not sure. I guess that I am afraid to admit that I was so weak. Someone on the show said that you are only as sick as your secrets. How true it is. I feel so sick inside sometimes but brave a smile. The problem is, it doesn't matter how big your smile is- the pain is still there and it will eventually come out and not in a constructive and helpful way.
With this in mind, I think that much of the abuse I endured as a child was often a catlyst for so many things in my life. Maybe a gateway to sin. I guess that I often felt that the abuse was in effect my own fault and that if I had been perhaps stronger- it might not have happened. From watching this show (that just made me snicker) I learned that when a child is abused- it is not their fault. That still does not help me deal with it. So how do people deal with pasts so full of shame and pain. I am pretty certain that it has to do wholly with forgiveness. I am not sure how to go about the forgiving- I mean where do I even start? I don't want to dwell in mire of anger or saddness too long lest it consume me. But hasn't it done just that?