The issue of weight

The issue of size is one that is debated in so many circles- it is on the cover of every magazine. The magazines at the store read, "How to lose weight and keep it off", "ten pounds in 10 days", "How she lost 20 pounds"- the list goes on and on. I have often thought about that 10 or 20 pounds that the world is so consumed with losing and I wonder, "what do they think of me?" Really, what do they think of me. I am 150 lbs overweight and no diet for 10 days is gonna change that. It would take a life change of gigantic proportions.

A little Shiney-Blonde-Girl history for you- I have never been thin. Never. I have baby pictures of myself that show me with thick arms and legs reaching for a second helping. So thin is not something that I know anything about. I also grew up in a family of smaller people. My siblings were all normal sizes. In fact, some of them were below weight.

When I was a child our bathroom had mirrored tiles on the wall. I would stand in the bathroom naked and position myself so that my body was directly where two of the mirrored tiles met- causing distortion of the image. The image was cut in half. I went to that mirror every day just staring at what it would be like to look normal.



As I grew my weight did too. I had an older friend across the street who told me that if I wanted to be a little smaller that I should just spit out my food and not swallow it. Some time later she told me that if I threw up some of the food I ate I would be able to lose weight or maintain the weight I had. From then on I would binge and purge daily throughout my teens. I once saw an after school special about bulimia and knew they were talking about me- but it didn't matter- I continued to vomit in an effort to keep my weight off. I told few people of my secret shame but even when they would try to help me it would make me hide it even further.

I do not remember a time I have not been on a diet. And for that matter, I have been on every diet I could find- Jenny Craig, LA weight loss, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Metabolite- anything that would make the fat go away. Yet the scale climbed. I have used exercise to manage my weight. Walking on the treadmill until it hit 700 cal and then lifting weights. This was obviously the key to weight loss only then I felt enabled to eat more.



While there are many steryotypes of fat people one being they are all lazy or that they suffer from terrible self-esteem and therefore stuff the pain down with food. There certainly is pain in my life that could result in overeating- no question. I mean how many people fight off the urge to down some ice-cream when they have a bad day. But lazy- I am not. Nor amy I a couch potato and I do not have low self-esteem. I am just fat. The problem is- I love food. Plain and simple. I love to cook, taste, experiment- all of it. I love food. I also love working out, I love going places, keeping a clean house, playing with my kids, dancing and all sorts of other activities.

In today's world, there is no excuse for fat. There is a diet or weight loss guru that can give you all the answers like the biggest loser. A show that I love to watch because it gives me hope. But Jillian Michales is not at my house. Nor is there a personal trainer I have worked with that has given me a loss greater than 35lbs after months of work and starving myself. Being this big is unacceptable for me and for the world I live in. It is not healthy for me nor for my children to see me this way and it is not the way I want to live. I have never wanted this for my life. Yet the weight persists and climbs and my hope of ever being a normal size diminishes.

The simple fact is, I want to do something about it. Something that will work and will free me from the burden that comes with being overweight. As vulnerable as I can be with you. This is not something a 10 day diet will fix. It is life threatening and something has to be done. A life change is what is necessary. This is why I decided to look into bariatric surgery.

About a year and a half ago I told my husband that this was something that I wanted to do for myself and for him. I want to live to see our grandchildren. I want to grow old with my prince charming. Buy a shirt from a normal store. Sit in an airplane seat comfortably. Run up some stairs without losing my breath.

My husband was very apprehensive about the surgery. We went to a bariatric clinic here in Indy. Once we got all of the information from the doctor's he was on board. There was hope for me that one day I will be normal. I want to be clear- I am not looking to be skinny, I just want to be a normal size.



We went through all of the appropriate channels to be approved with the insurance but it was considered an exclusion and there was nothing they could do for us. For a while we gave up on our dream but now it is finally being realized. On July 29th I am having bariatric surgery and I could not be happier. I will post pictures as I begin my journey. There is so much joy when you have hope. Hope for a better life that does not include squeezing into air plane seats or too tight clothes. Praise the Lord for His provision. Freedom is within my reach and I am running for it! My favorite quote will always be from Homer's the Oddessy~ The Journey's the Thing"! This is the start of my journey and I couldn't be more excited!