Friday, January 13, 2017

Dream a little dream with me...

Ever have a recurring dream? You know the one that haunts you. Sometimes you fear sleep because it might show up again and you have no control over it?

When I am not fighting with insomnia and am able to sleep- I dream a lot. Mostly dreams where I am terribly frustrated or where I am trying to accomplish too much in too small a time. I'm a mother of three pre-teen girls...that is what I do! But recently, I have been experiencing this really annoying recurring dream that I have been fighting with since I was a child. It is so annoying that insomnia seems like a far better annoyance to deal with. I never thought I would prefer insomnia to anything.

It always begins with me sitting in my childhood bed. I am trying to straighten the covers. My parents enter my dream and stand at the end of my bed. This is sort of strange because they have been divorced since I was three and my dad is now deceased. They are fighting about whatever is worrying me. The more they argue- the messier my covers become. The more I pull at the covers, the louder they fight and the bed gets in complete shambles.

Sometimes the dream shifts and I find myself in a cave or tunnel that I cannot free myself from. Like a giant slinky that gradually becomes smaller and smaller until I find I cannot move or breath. This is when the panic starts to set in.

The end of the dream always turns to water. I am an excellent swimmer and so the idea of drowning seems absurd. Even in my dream, I can hear my father yelling, "you cannot drown! You are a great swimmer!" Still, I struggle until I am too tired to fight it anymore and I drown. This is the point when I finally wake up. My heart racing. Sweat pouring down my back and my chest aching as I have been holding my breath.

I hate that dream.

I am going out on a limb here but it may have something to do with anxiety. Ya think?

No comments:

Post a Comment