The issue of weight

The issue of size is one that is debated in so many circles- it is on the cover of every magazine. The magazines at the store read, "How to lose weight and keep it off", "ten pounds in 10 days", "How she lost 20 pounds"- the list goes on and on. I have often thought about that 10 or 20 pounds that the world is so consumed with losing and I wonder, "what do they think of me?" Really, what do they think of me. I am 150 lbs overweight and no diet for 10 days is gonna change that. It would take a life change of gigantic proportions.

A little Shiney-Blonde-Girl history for you- I have never been thin. Never. I have baby pictures of myself that show me with thick arms and legs reaching for a second helping. So thin is not something that I know anything about. I also grew up in a family of smaller people. My siblings were all normal sizes. In fact, some of them were below weight.

When I was a child our bathroom had mirrored tiles on the wall. I would stand in the bathroom naked and position myself so that my body was directly where two of the mirrored tiles met- causing distortion of the image. The image was cut in half. I went to that mirror every day just staring at what it would be like to look normal.



As I grew my weight did too. I had an older friend across the street who told me that if I wanted to be a little smaller that I should just spit out my food and not swallow it. Some time later she told me that if I threw up some of the food I ate I would be able to lose weight or maintain the weight I had. From then on I would binge and purge daily throughout my teens. I once saw an after school special about bulimia and knew they were talking about me- but it didn't matter- I continued to vomit in an effort to keep my weight off. I told few people of my secret shame but even when they would try to help me it would make me hide it even further.

I do not remember a time I have not been on a diet. And for that matter, I have been on every diet I could find- Jenny Craig, LA weight loss, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Metabolite- anything that would make the fat go away. Yet the scale climbed. I have used exercise to manage my weight. Walking on the treadmill until it hit 700 cal and then lifting weights. This was obviously the key to weight loss only then I felt enabled to eat more.



While there are many steryotypes of fat people one being they are all lazy or that they suffer from terrible self-esteem and therefore stuff the pain down with food. There certainly is pain in my life that could result in overeating- no question. I mean how many people fight off the urge to down some ice-cream when they have a bad day. But lazy- I am not. Nor amy I a couch potato and I do not have low self-esteem. I am just fat. The problem is- I love food. Plain and simple. I love to cook, taste, experiment- all of it. I love food. I also love working out, I love going places, keeping a clean house, playing with my kids, dancing and all sorts of other activities.

In today's world, there is no excuse for fat. There is a diet or weight loss guru that can give you all the answers like the biggest loser. A show that I love to watch because it gives me hope. But Jillian Michales is not at my house. Nor is there a personal trainer I have worked with that has given me a loss greater than 35lbs after months of work and starving myself. Being this big is unacceptable for me and for the world I live in. It is not healthy for me nor for my children to see me this way and it is not the way I want to live. I have never wanted this for my life. Yet the weight persists and climbs and my hope of ever being a normal size diminishes.

The simple fact is, I want to do something about it. Something that will work and will free me from the burden that comes with being overweight. As vulnerable as I can be with you. This is not something a 10 day diet will fix. It is life threatening and something has to be done. A life change is what is necessary. This is why I decided to look into bariatric surgery.

About a year and a half ago I told my husband that this was something that I wanted to do for myself and for him. I want to live to see our grandchildren. I want to grow old with my prince charming. Buy a shirt from a normal store. Sit in an airplane seat comfortably. Run up some stairs without losing my breath.

My husband was very apprehensive about the surgery. We went to a bariatric clinic here in Indy. Once we got all of the information from the doctor's he was on board. There was hope for me that one day I will be normal. I want to be clear- I am not looking to be skinny, I just want to be a normal size.



We went through all of the appropriate channels to be approved with the insurance but it was considered an exclusion and there was nothing they could do for us. For a while we gave up on our dream but now it is finally being realized. On July 29th I am having bariatric surgery and I could not be happier. I will post pictures as I begin my journey. There is so much joy when you have hope. Hope for a better life that does not include squeezing into air plane seats or too tight clothes. Praise the Lord for His provision. Freedom is within my reach and I am running for it! My favorite quote will always be from Homer's the Oddessy~ The Journey's the Thing"! This is the start of my journey and I couldn't be more excited!

Spanish Lessons

So yesterday I wrote about the new addition of Spanish to our homeshooling. It is amazing how quickly I am remembering my High School Spanish teachers lessons. "Clase, por favor, repita este" It has come full circle for me. I got out my Spanish book and started to study! And I have to say it is really exciting. Today we went from math in English to math in Spanish! I was thinking this is exactly right. When I taught my daughters to speak- I used picture books and pointed to items and told them the proper names for each item. That is exactly what is going on here. We use a lot of flash cards for numbers, letters, small words- etc. I have been going over them in English and then again in Spanish. It is a simple way to do vocabulary in both languages. Pretty cool!! I found a free Spanish (for kids) website http://www.123teachme.com that has the game memory for colors, numbers, letters etc... in Spanish! My daughter went crazy with it this morning. Now my two year old is trying too! It is something else to see your four year old reciting numbers and letters in two different languages! What a blessing! I am not looking forward to the grammer aspect of Spanish as that is where the greatest struggle was for me but I think my husband will be a great help with this. He loves rules of the written word. So glad I married a smarty pants!! Hasta pronto, mi amigos!

Homeschooling Momma!

So my next door neighbors do not speak English. This has made neighborly relations difficult as there is this huge communication barrier. Russ and I have each had plenty of Spanish classes between high school and college but cannot form a sentence beyond "How are you" or "Where is the bathroom". So a few weeks ago my oldest daughter told me that she was interested in saying a few words in Spanish. Sure! No problem. We started out with the small sentences that I knew. Now she wants to know the alphabet and the colors. Suddenly, I am teaching Spanish. It is amazing how that happened. Something I love about Homeschooling is that we can run with anything my girls are interested in. I am clearly stretched by all this but I am kind of enjoying it. We actually had a small conversation with my Spanish-speaking neighbor a couple of days ago. How cool is that!!

Homeschooling History Lessons

This morning it was raining and kind of yucky out. A friend had offered to take the girls and I to a play date at our church. Unfortunatly, her son was sick and so she called an canceled. My children we really excited about getting out of the house, so I hung my head and shared the bad news. There was some mild wailing and nashing of teeth but eventually they came around. I decided to do something different with homeschool beyond the standard ABC's 123's to keep everyone interested. Russ and I are taking several road trips this year and have decided to use each trip as a homeschooling opportunity. This is as good a time as ever to start learning-so off we went.
I decided to talk about our very own state of Indiana. I found some coloring pages on www.crayloa.com that were very helpful. That got the girls interested. The page had the state bird, flower, flag, and capital on it. While my daughter colored the flag I searched the internet for information about the flag. This is what I found out. The state of Indiana was founded in 1816 the flag was not accepted until 1917. There are 19 stars on the flag representing the 19 states that were part of the Union at the time Indiana was accepted as a state. The first 13 stars on the flag represent the 13 colonies, the 5 stars represent the next 5 entered into the Union and the last star represents the new state of Indiana the 19th state of the United States of America! The tourch represents Liberty and Enlightenment. All very facinating. I grew up in Illinois and was taught all about that flag when I was in 4th grade. I only remember small snipits of that information- so this has been oodles of fun for me. The state bird is a cardinal. THis is also true for my old home in Illinois as well as Kentucky, North Carolina, Ohio, and West Virginia. Who knew!! I also taught them to sing Back Home Again in Indiana. I learned this song (not out of devotion to our lovely state) but instead as a show song for the Sweet Adleines when I was in college. So glad I did! I am excited to start study on the next state! We are heading to Chicago for a wedding in a couple of weeks so I think the next state to study will be Illinois~ good to share my roots with my kiddies!

Homeschooling can be so difficult sometimes and then there are days like this that give me such hope and encouragement. I am so glad that I stuck through the difficult times!

Satisfied

I was watching the Time Traveler's Wife. Not an extraordinary movie by any stretch of the imagination but I did glean something. The family in the movie has been separated over the course of their relationship because the husband is a time-traveler. This is of course painful for the family that is left waiting for him as he travels time. The wife is looking for some sort of normal existence and you really want it for her too. She finds out she is pregnant and then loses the baby. This happens again and they allude to the idea that she has lost several babies. Finally the husband gets a vasectomy but he time-travels as a younger man and they again meet up. They come together and she becomes pregnant. This baby survives and they are more than happy as a family only to discover his time is limited and their dreams of normalcy are not possible. They have to be satisfied with the life they are given.

This really spoke to me. These people, while of course fictional, were able to be satisfied with a life that was far less than desirable and the circumstances were beyond their control. This is the description of my life-I am living in circumstances that are beyond my control. It is beyond my control to have another baby. This has been the one thought that has plagued my mind for years- why me? Why do I have to have this struggle- why is it so hard for me? Words that scream selfishness. I have known people who have no children and may never have any-their pain is real and yet I think of my self. I have been blessed with two children. Two children that make me laugh every day and bring unspeakable joy to our home and yet I long for more. There is no satiating the longing in my heart for a large family. But how many times can God bless me before I will just be satisfied? How much is enough?

As I watched this mind-numbing movie I was struck by the idea that satisfaction is a choice we have to make. Choosing to remember that God is good and my daughters are enough for me! I can be satisfied with God's will for our family because it is good and it is right. I will choose not to struggle for something that is not His will. A long time ago, I learned this simple little song taken from the Psalms. Its words have lingered in my heart. This song has sort of been romancing me to the Lord over and over.

"God you are my God. Earnestly, I'll seek Your face. I will lift You high. I will lift You high. I will lift Your name on high. How I thirst for You. Every day I thirst for You. I will lift You high. I will lift You high. I will lift Your name on High. I have seen you in the sanctuary. I have seen Your power and I have seen Your glory. I am satisfied by You. I am satisfied by You."

Today, I thought about the words and wondered how many times in my life I have been satisfied with an answer that God gave me. I don't remember any. I am unsatisfied and unhappy with the word no. So I have fought for my own way. Striving to get what I want no matter the cost. But now I have to choose to be satisfied. Choose to accept that God knows my story better than I do and His choice for my life is good and it is right. It is not easy.

MOPS MOM

I was introduced to MOPS or Mother's Of Pre-Schoolers just after Maddie was born. I was on maternity leave for 12 weeks and it just happened to coinside with the beginning of MOPS that year. So wonderful! I was a little bit of a mess and totally over-protective of the-most-wonderful-child-in-the-history-of-the-world!!! Funny how our perspectives change with time and more children.

For me, MOPS was a breath of fresh air, and I have been a part of it ever since I became a SAHM. I can honestly say that my mothering skills have been influenced by the amazing group of moms that I now call friends. Some are now even the closest friends I have ever had. It is amazing to me the support and strenth you can get from someone who has been in the exact same position that you are in.

While no group of people is perfect, I am more than greatful for these wonderful mommies. Lately, I have been seeing signs that my days as a MOPS mom are coming to an end. I will be writing about our decision regarding our fertility issues in a different post so I won't bore you but it appears we are finished having children and therefore I will no longer be a MOPS Mom. In the last few months I have noticed there a whole new swarm of young motherscoming to MOPS-each Momma going through the same issues that I once had-just trying to keep their heads above water. But now I am the seasoned mom (one of the oldest in our group). When did that happen? Such a strange feeling-it sort of reminded me of high school. I am now in my senior year of MOPS. For instance, I can't believe I am done with diapers completely- it seem like yesterday I was learning to fold over the top of a newborn diaper to accomodate the umbilical cord. How quickly it goes.

The next stage of our lives is moving into focus. Now there is more talk about reading and math than bodily functions. I just wonder where I fit into this next stage. Where will I put my focus now? For so long my world was engaged in nothing but breastfeeding, slings, bottles, diapers, pacies, pac-n-plays, strollers, crawling, walking, biting, potty training and all the various issues you deal with when you have babies and toddlers. Sadly, that time is now over for me and it is bittersweet. No question- I will miss MOPS- but the new adventure is on the horizon though and I am anxious for it to begin.

Mad Cooking Skills

Since this blog is a reflection of me- I thought that I would share some of my most successful recipes that are not only easy but they are equally delicious. I am not a chef but any stretch of the imagination. I just love to cook. If you have any suggestions or recipes that you want me to try- please send them my way!

Here are my favorite Chops!

First thing I do is to get the broiler screaming hot while I prep everything else. Then I wrap my broiler pan with foil. Please notice that my broiler pan has been loved on a lot!! My husband saw this picture and got embarassed that it looked so dirty. That didn't embarass me at all. It is seasoned from all the use! :) I have gotten pretty savvy with the broiler pan and use it often. Here is a hint...don't forget to use foil!! It makes clean-up much easier!!





Here are my chops. I usually buy a large pork loin from Sam's Club and cut it into chops or a roast. This is the most economical way for me. Usually a huge pork loin is $16 dollars. It allows me to cut my chops as thick as I like! I leave some of the fat on them for flavor and then remove it before we eat. Lightly coat the chops in olive oil on both sides.



Next season the chops. I prefer McCormicks Roasting Rub (they have several different varieties and they are all delicious. I just tastes and smells really good. If I don't have any I just throw some spices together that I like: garlic, parsley, onion, green onion, cumin etc. whatever sounds good to me that day. If you don't know spices that well- use a purchased rub. So yummy!



Once seasoned, put the chops under the broiler for six minutes per side (depending on the thickness. Bring them to 160 degrees. Then take them out of the oven and let them rest for 10 minutes. They will increase in temp. as they rest. I use an electric meat thermoneter that can stay in the oven and has an alarm (seriously helpful!!). Here they are right out of the oven!





This is not a really good picture but you can get an idea about the meal. Today, I paired this with steamed green beans (I like them crisp-tender)and baked potatoes. Yummy!